he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
