I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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