There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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