I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
