I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
