College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
