I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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