I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
