So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
