Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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