you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
