I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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