just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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