Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
