bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How external is "for external use only"?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
