Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
