im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
