did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
