Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
