Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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