i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
