I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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