he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
