I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
