but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
