Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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