Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
