the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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