Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
