If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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