Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
