Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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