Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
