It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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