So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
