I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
