haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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