No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
