I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
