We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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