I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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