Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your penis caused this!
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