I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
