My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
