and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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