There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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