so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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