in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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