I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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