He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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