all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
