So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
