ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
